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WHChaikumultimedia
exercise #3
page 1
comments/critiques
Comments
and Critiques
by Michael Dylan Welch
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Here are my comments on the photo-haiga at
Illustrations of a Haiku.
"Photo-haiga" is perhaps a more accurate name for them than calling them
haiga (or even "modern haiga"?), as "haiga," properly defined, strikes me
as requiring a *painting* (though a photo could work) and a haiku, and
that the haiku be done in calligraphy (not a computer font).
A general comment to begin: My poem has been treated with varying
formatting by each contributor. I originally intended it as follows, with
British spelling, left-justified:
tulip festival--
the colours of all the cars
in the parking lot
The two hyphens in the first line should properly be an em dash, and I
think all of the photo-haiga could be improved with this typographical
change (that unfortunately doesn't come through email). And indeed, anyone
who typesets poetry or other text should learn about em and en dashes, and
how to use them properly, and should also employ proper curly quotation
marks and apostrophes, as necessary (as opposed to "straight" ones). As
for changing the justification, I don't mind that some artists centered
the poem, or chose to right-justify it, or sometimes put the poem in
italics, as this was obviously helpful to them in rendering their ideas. I
would prefer that normal capital letters be used in my name, though,
because I feel that the use of all lowercase letters for a poet's name,
while seeming to be "humble," actually has the opposite effect -- making
someone aware of an attempted humility. To me all lowercase is simply
pretentious. (And for what it's worth, E. E. Cummings actually treated his
name with the usual capital letters, as can be discovered in essays
reprinted from *Spring: The Journal of the E. E. Cummings Society* by
searching online, thus Cummings is not an example to cite for this
practice! But I digress . . .)
Here are my comments on the individual pieces, keeping in mind 1) basic
craft, 2) the relationship of poem to image and the effectiveness of
linking/shifting techniques, and 3) overall emotional and aesthetic
impression:
1. An original approach to representing the cars and colours by repeating
the poem itself in different colours. However, doing so may make the
reader more aware of the words themselves (as "words") rather than what
the poem means, which I think detracts. When Alan Watts and Eric Amann
wrote about haiku being a "wordless" poem, they didn't mean that it should
be as brief as possible. What I think they meant is that the haiku should
be as invisible as possible -- that one should not even be aware of the
words at all, if possible, and immediately experience the focus of the
poem itself. Likewise, in a novel, if it's written well, you can read page
after page without ever noticing the text. Instead, you are simple
absorbed in the story and become utterly unaware of the craft. Same with
haiku -- one should not be drawn to the words or cleverness, or
distracting things like rhyme or too much alliteration or metaphor or
simile. Same, too, with haiga -- ideally, one should immediately
experience its visual impression, though a haiga is understandably more
complicated than just a painting or just a haiku. In this case, though I
admire the creativity used to suggest the cars by repeating the poem in
different colours, the technique points more at the creator rather than
the subject of the creation.
2. This piece is crafted well. I like the fact that we can't see the
exterior colour of the car in this one -- and that the car itself is in
black and white! The poem is a little close to the right edge for my
tastes, and could be right justified more precisely. There's a deftness to
the way the photograph is handled, but the text placement does fight a bit
with the part of the photo immediately behind it.
3. This presentation has an immediate impact -- it's colourful! The
abstract figure in the middle suggests someone carrying a walking stick,
though it seems to be carried a bit aggressively -- more like a baton.
Also, I find the horizontal bands across the center of this piece to be
distracting. And for my tastes, the poem is too close to the right edge,
and I would probably put the name in italics or a smaller point size to
provide a subconscious visual cue that the name is a different type of
text than the poem. My comment is a small quibble, but it seems to me that
if one is setting type for photo-haiga, it is worthwhile to know good
typography and design rules. I recommend reading *The Mac Is Not a
Typewriter* or *The PC Is Not a Typewriter* by Robin Williams (not the
comedian) or Roger Parker's *One-Minute Designer* for good introductory
texts on typography and design.
4. This is a more literal and simple rendering -- it's just a photograph
with the poem placed on top of it. The yellow text is a little hard to
read against the green leaves, though perhaps it just looks that way on my
computer. What the maker has chosen to do is omit any cars from the
photograph, so something that the poem-photo combination does is let us
imagine the cars. What might have helped this picture, though, is having
more colours in the tulips themselves.
5. This rendering uses a limited (and pleasing) palette of colours --
pinks, blacks, whites, and a bit of turquoise. This imparts a restrained
mood. The bouyancy of cars having many colours, parked at a tulip
festival, is contrasted with the old abandoned car in this picture. The
graffiti seems to take up the "many colours" theme, so the energy still
occurs here, but in an unexpected place. The curtain or cloth billowing
out of the window (and repeated on the right side) adds mystery to this
creation, though I'm not sure what the intent might be. Nicely limited
palette of colours!
6. The dramatic colours here give this piece immediate graphic impact. I
like the choice of the car represented here, echoing the shape of the
tulips. The graphic image, though colourful, is relatively restrained
(only three bulbs), with strong use of white space. Starting with red on
the left side helps set up a sense of completion when we see the red again
in the car on the right side, and the strong diagonal from upper left to
lower right moves our eye well through this artwork. If I could pick on
anything, it's that the two hyphens look awkward (almost like periods), so
I hope an em dash is available in this energetic font. For an em dash,
press ASCII code 0151 if you want to try entering it on your keyboard's
number pad; make sure the Num Lock key is on, then press the Alt key while
pressing 0, 1, 5, and then 1 on the number pad. This may or may not work
in whatever software you're using -- hard to know! Check the Help system
or manual for your software so you can learn hot to enter em dashes
properly.
7. The old black-and-white photograph here presents "colourful"
characters, I think. The choice of font, too, is well done, suggesting a
handwritten note as was often written on old photographs. And note the
white border, too, which adds to the feeling of this presentation. What's
creative about this presentation is the complete lack of tulips and cars,
yet there's still a possible connection -- though perhaps it's slimmer
than in the other photo-haiga. Again, too, the em dash would have looked
so much better than the two hyphens, at least to this typographer's eye!
8. Striking and immediate impact here, because of the colours. Some of the
colour combinations seem a bit harsh to me (purple and orange,
especially). It's worth getting to know the colour wheel to learn about
complementary colours and colour theory (visit
http://www.saumag.edu/art/studio/chalkboard/c-wheel.html
or http://www.color-wheel-pro.com/,
or search for "color wheel" online). The use of UNcomplementary colours
doesn't seem to add anything here. I also find the text a bit hard to
read.
9. Again, a limited palette of colours here, though I don't think the
choices are quite as good as image #5. The image has a jaunty feel to it,
probably because of the woman's goggles, and because most motercycles with
sidecars are a fun novelty. Indeed, the "colour" of this "car" is that
it's not a car at all! For my money, I'd make the poem slightly small in
the space it occupies, so it feels less crowded. Same with the name, too.
10. Here we have a focus on a single bloom, and I think the maker has
deliberately used just a black-and-white image to allow the poem's words
add the colour that it talks about. Thus this image is more restrained and
subtle than many of the others, and gains something because of it. The
positioning of the text seems a little close the left border and to the
bottom of the bloom; I think I'd make the text slightly smaller so it has
a bit more space to breathe. And again, I'd use an em dash, and would also
make the name slightly smaller and would probably italicize it. I like the
way each line, including the name, is centered on a vertical axis in this
poem, adding a bit of formality that contrasts with the assymetry of the
photograph.
11. Having the tylips reflect in the hubcap is an excellent idea -- a nice
way to imply the car by showing only a small part of it, and of showing
the flowers. We see the flowers because of the car and its reflection, so
the two are brought together. Where I would refine this image, if time
were not a factor, would be to limit the reflection to just the main parts
of the hubcap. It seems the reflection (added to the tire image) is too
perfect, and covers parts of the tire and wheel where it wouldn't actually
reflect. There also seem to be some splotchy artifacts on the tire that
make it seem unnatural. I imagine, too, that the angle of the reflected
image isn't what you'd actually see if flowers really were reflected off
this hubcap, but that's nitpicking. And if could make one more suggestion,
it's that I would use a single colour for all of the poem. Putting "tulip
festival" in yellow and "colours" in blue seems like it's trying too hard.
On the other hand, I think the way this photograph is cropped is very
effective, with good assymetry and balance.
12. The text is a bit hard to read here (text in ALL CAPS tends to be
harder to read just for starters, because the eye no longer has varying
word shapes to use that improve readability -- another thing that good
typographers are aware of that you can also search online to learn more
about). In addition to being all caps, the font, too, is a bit hard to
read. Certain fonts are designed for use as titles. I'm sure you would
agree that this font would be difficult and tiring to read if a whole page
of text were set using it; and it's also difficult to read for something
as short as a haiku -- the reader has to work at it. As for the image, I
love the "glow" to this image that fades through variations of green
toward the edges. The repetition of the image at the top is interesting,
too (though I wouldn't have bottered repeating the text, as it's
unintelligible, and doesn't add anything, at least for me). The impact of
the image is strong here, and the limited colours and simple geometric
forms of the flower emphasize that impact.
13. This is a more literal rendering. I suspect, too, that this picture
was taken especially for the purpose (whereas many of the other photos
seem to be stock photographs, albeit often manipulated). I could be wrong,
though. I like the overall composition here, which allows good space for
the text (though I think I'd make the text slightly smaller so the word
"tulip" isn't quite so close to the flower). I like the choice of fonts
and the contrast of colours and fonts/point sizes between the poem and the
name. However, I don't know why extra spaces were added between the words
in the first and third lines (but not in the middle line); I suggest using
one space in all cases. I also note that the two hyphens (or em dash) was
omitted here. This is fine with me. The lines are centered and formal, and
the poem reads well enough without the dash in this context. If the
context of a page of poems, with no grahpics, however, I would want the em
dash. One final comment is that the lighting on the back and in the
shadows of this photo looks a bit too yellow (incandescent lighting). I
might try to whiten it a bit in Photoshop or whatever photo program you're
using -- but be careful so the background remains subdued and doesn't
compete with the excellent white space of the foreground.
14. The font choice here is excellent to match the movie theme of being
parked at a drive-in theatre. Even the spotlight that partially
illuminates the name echoes this theme. The still image from *Gone with
the Wind* is the perfect choice as a movie archetype. What this creation
does, as a whole, is rely on suggesting flowers rather than cars, but it
also suggests the many colours of the cars, which aren't directly shown. A
creative and impactful variation on the theme! Also note the care taken to
align the text so it matches the perspective of the movie screen.
15. We certainly see the variety of flower colours here. And we are left
to imagine the cars. The five photos, with the middle one seeming to
"float" above the other four, creates a fairly formal presentation
(because everything is centered, including the lines of the poem). The
colour chosen for the poem brings out one of the more subtle colours in
the photos, so that's nicely done. The name feels a bit squished (too
close to the edge), and I'm sure it would be easier for some of these
creations if the name could be left off altogether, though that's probably
not an option if you want these photo-haiga to be able to stand alone.
(But then, they could also have the name of the artist, too.)
continued...>>
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